What is shame?

For me, right now shame is reading the emails of someone, who when I first started reading I thought this person was a tool and then just began to pity said individual. What makes this particularly shameful is also what makes it hypocritical.

Hypocrisy is when I realized how much this person's emails mirrored previous posts on this journal. Just because I forgot how bad they were does not make me any less of a shameful, hypocritical tool.

That said, I hope this realization will stay with me as time progresses, because frankly I hate looking like a tool, and I figure if I must be one, the least I could do is be a USEFUL tool.

The moon is extremely white tonight. Before it had a bright, intense yellow tinge, but now it is a pristine white. Chalk white, an alabaster display. Artemis is showing herself to those of us still awake to see.

Looking closely I can almost see the Harlequin reflected on the moon's face. Ah Harlequin, you boorish lout. Oafish buffoon that capers around to amuse others at the expense of himself. Ah fool and knave you are. You clown, you dolt, you putz; you ass. All clowns are such, frightfully so, which is, I suppose, what feeds the fear of them. Nothing could possibly be that foolish. Who but the most sinister creatures would willingly portray themselves in such a manner?

I found some videos from The Onion on Youtube today and while reading the comments found myself head-desking repeatedly.

How is it that so many people don't get that The Onion is like MAD tv CNN style?

"Courageous Man Refuses to Believe he has Cancer"...

"Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Hazardous to Health"

To those people out there that actually believe that this is real broadcasting or journalism...What the sauce is wrong with you? You actually think stuff like that is legit? It's a wonder The Onion hasn't done a broadcast directed specifically at one of you morons.

Ya dumbasses.

I laughed out loud at these.Hell I clapped.

Ok first of all, Hot Topic encourages people to commit trickery. One of the clerks there asked me if I was going to the party and I'm thinking "What party?" And I almost said "sure I'll go." Until I realized the placard around his neck said TWILIGHT.

I believe the look I gave him could probably be best described as baleful as I responded, "Never. Just never."

Die Twilight. Die Edward. Bella grow a fucking spine and then if we're ALL lucky someone will come along and rip it out and beat you with it you codependent, enabling whore. WORST CHARACTERS EVER.

Stephanie Myers you fail at life and yet simultaneously succeed because you have ingratiated yourself with the sheep masses who are too dumb to know any better.

I had the Laurel K Hamilton books recommended to me. Another fail. No bondage fairies and Mary Sue Vampire Hunter, gave up her morals in the space between two books characters for me thank you.










Who ever made this one ^ is a GOD.









More coming because I found THE best comic EVAR!

Yes, I just got finished signing up for one. I feel it must be done. Let us foray into the depths, nay the bowels of the online seethe.


nightwolf91: for crying out loud is anyone here a real vampire like me or are you all wannabes cause ie been bitten and i'm going nuts here I NEED A FUKING MENTOR!!!

(Why are you the ONLY one there? I wanted more freaks like you. Instead I got the NORMAL freaks.)

vampy: umm night you cant be turned by being bitten... ppl like you need to get a life

(Harsh)

hidden_beauty: vampy!!!
Bisjac: -hugs blood-
hidden_beauty: -hugs-
vampy: hi
vampy: -hugs-

(erm.. O_o;;)

hidden_beauty: woot woot!!!! ish hyper!

(Bad pun coming...Blood sugar too high?)

withoutwarmth: What's the topic of the night?
DrHarleyQuinzel: boobs

(You're all 18 of course it's going to be Boobs.)

Selene: Love is rad, man
vampy: like i said im tired of being used

(WTF? You're on a Vampire Chatroom. The Emo Chat is LITERALLY next door.)


XxMakentzxX: Look! Attention whores! Somebody get the net!

(XD)

Bisjac: -Throws razor sharp skittles at bloodfang- taste the mother fucking rainbow

*Snrk*

Bisjac: lmaao

(Laughing my assy ass off? Laughing my aristocratic ass off? Laughing my awesome ass off? Or just a guy who can't type?)

GabrialDestruir: I'm a BAMF
GabrialDestruir: with my CT2004

(Dude...just no.)

tears: chuck norris rapes babies

Llewellyn: So chucks off raping babies then?
Llewellyn: Thought he'd been a bit quiet
Selene: Chuck norris ejaculates fully grown lepracauns

hidden_beauty: wow..
### BubbleGum left the room
Selene: True story
Llewellyn: That's quite a feat.
hidden_beauty: ouchies.

(0o0!!! Chuck I have no idea.)

Ok, so that's enough of that. Scary, really f-ing scary.

"Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway."
- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane.

Interestingly enough that was Charles Manson's defense as well.

"Outside consultants sought for test of gas chamber."
- Ad in Arizona Republic

Damn it, outsourcing has now infiltrated our system for testing gas chambers? What's next, testing our nuclear bomb on a foreign country? Oh...wait.

"See the New York Jets play the Cinncinnati Bagels this Sunday on NBC."
- Announcer on WNBC station

Well what else are you supposed to do with bagels when you're on a low carb diet?

"I don't think the Republicans can damage my character."
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. President

That would require character to begin with. Much like being corrupted would require having first had scruples.

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach

What makes that sadder is that he was thinking about Cap'n Crunch at the time.

"As Deng's health is now failing, many matters have been passed to Wan Li, who despite his age is still alive."
- company report, China Inc.

I suppose the employees can be grateful that the company hasn't been left in the hands of a dead guy.

"These people haven't seen the last of my face. If I go down, I'm going down standing up."
- Chuck Person, NBA Basketball player

I can't even properly comment on this. I have too many pervy jokes running through my head right now.

"Any person who shall lead or drive a bear upon any highway shall be fined not more than $50."
- Connecticut General Statutes, Section 6215

Thus why rednecks moved to "cow tipping" instead of "bear driving". That and they got their asses mauled.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager

I've never been especially good at math but I think there might be something wrong with that figure.

"These lights are for indoor or outdoor use only." - Anonymous Manufacturer.

Have they had a high ratio of people using them within the the walls themselves?

"What we have is two important values in conflict: freedom of speech and our desire for healthy campaigns and a healthy democracy. You can't have both."
- Dick Gephardt, Missouri representative

I'd say this speaks for itself, but apparently that would create an unhealthy democracy.

"We are trying to change the 1974 Constitution, whenever that was passed."
- Donald Kennard, Louisiana state representative

Ask him what year the War of 1812 was fought. Go on, ask.

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet."
- Ernest Bevin, Former British foreign minister

And I thought it was just my friend exaggerating when they said the bread in England all smelled like feet.

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.

Well no, I don't imagine that stationary, inanimate, asphalt gets up and beats the shit out of people for money. Therefore I think streets are less dangerous than people.

"You mean they've scheduled Yom Kippur opposite Charlie's Angels?"
- Fred Silverman, TV programmer, when told that Yom Kippur would fall on a Wednesday.

He was also distraught to find that some guy named Chris Mass was more popular than Farrah Fawcette.

"There is no housing shortage in Lincoln today - just a rumour that is put about by people who have nowhere to live."
- G.L. Murfin, Mayor of Lincoln

Sad that those people refuse to find homes in a city with an overabundance of houses. Shame on them. Shame.

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel

Man, what I wouldn't give to have a candle powered television set.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

But not the dumb ones.

"If you think is was an accident, applaud."
- Geraldo Rivera, talk show host, to his audience on Natalie Wood's drowning

If you think he's an insensitive jackass throw a chair at him.

"This is unparalyzed in the state's history."
- Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House

Glad to see whatever it was managed to maintain the use of its legs.

"And now, will y'all stand and be recognized."
- Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House, to a group of people in wheelchairs on Disability Day

He's one of those guys that tries to get amputees to do the Hokey Pokey.

"Give Bill a second term, and Al Gore and I will be turned loose to do what we really want to do."
- Hillary Clinton, former first lady, at a Democratic fundraiser

"turned loose"? What are they, rabid dogs on chains?

"Teeth extracted by the latest methodists."
- Hong Kong dental advertisement

Why don't they have any Protestant dentists there?

"I deny the allegations and I defy the alligators!"
- Indicted Chicago Alderman

He's always preferred crocodiles.



More to come later on.

Glad to see you finally have access to the internet. As you said, yes I was having a one woman pity party and I do realize you are in the middle of the ocean. However, it isn't right or FAIR for you to go off about how I have your number when I left countless VMs for you to call me over and over. I called every weekend for a month, eight days at least thre or fours times a day, since that seemed to be the best time to get ahold of you. Averaged out realistically I would say that comes to TWENTY times over a 1 month period. I mean somewhere in the morass of your VM there should still be a message with me practically pleading for you to call me. Unless it took so long for you to be able to get reception or whatever that it just emptied itself or something. I TRIED E. I tried to get in touch with you. Yes, two posts before this was overly angry and unfair I understand that but you have to look at how long ago that was written. It's been almost 2 months. I came to the realization that I had been too hard on you and that of course it would be difficult for you to get ahoid of people as there aren't exactly cell phone towers in the middle of the ocean ON MY OWN nothing from my previous post came from anything anyone said except myself. And the question is who the hell are you even talking to to get ahold of me? travyller should have my number by now and if you'd call Meg or Melissa they could give it to you. I had no way of getting ahold of Alex or Heidi to give my number to them until recently. Sabrina and I rarely keep in touch as it is. And I'm not speaking to Amber anyway. I don't know how many more times I can say it or how many other ways...but I AM SORRY. Ok. Jeeze, yes I wind up making an ass out of myself in one way or another and have to apologize to you I get that ok. Obviously you have no idea what happened. I tried, I NEEDED to get ahold of you when some shit faced fucker decided to play games with me on your phone. Lirin died that day and I found Yaone eating her face...I was a little distraught and emotional and having somebody jerk me around when I couldn't get in touch with you anyway just fucked with my head even more. And then continuous calls and VMs to you that NEVER got answered what was I supposed to think? Ok, I jumped to conclusions, again which were obviously unfair and WRONG, and whether or not the misunderstanding was reasonable my reaction was not. I get it...a thousand times over I get it ok.

As to things going better, yeah ok.

I am aware that too often my own anger and pride and selfishness forces me to be far too hard on other people. To those people I openly express my heartfelt regret and sincerest apologies. I know that you have much going on in your life and can not be expected to kowtow to everybody's every request thrown your way.

Most of my feelings were born of grief and I have since come to reevaluate certain circumstances. Again, I'm sorry. While the particular individual whom this is directed at may never read this it is still important for me to express this as best I can.

Dear friend,

If you bother to read this then I'm sure you will be more than capable of figuring out who I am referring to. Although I highly doubt you will ever bother to read this as your newfound glory in life is keeping you from anything remotely to do with us "Townies". I have a question to ask. well several in fact. The first of them being,

Why?

Seriously I would think I deserve an answer for your behavior. I realize you are busy but at least you could have a little respect for me to acknowledge my existence every once in awhile. Secondly,

How long do you think people will keep playing the game of "I wonder if they're going to be friends with me this week"?

I for one keep coming out the loser and I don't have anything else with which to ante up. Thirdly,

What is it that makes you think you can treat people so badly?

Actually I think I have the answer to that one. We've let you. All of have let you treat us poorly and just written it off as you not meaning it and you being you.  Fourth,

Have you been listening to the incessant ramblings of others again and this is why you blow me off?

Because if this the case, know that I have not spoken to certain someones in quite sometime. Not since before the first time you and I spoke. Fifth,

Did you honestly think I believed I had the wrong number?

I've seen you pull that stunt before remember? Sixth,

Whether or not you care if I do, do you think I should forgive you for that little charade?

I really needed to talk to you and you just couldn't be bothered. I was going through something that was genuinely traumatic and you just brushed it aside like it doesn't even matter. Like I don't matter. Seventh

Why in all hell should I keep trying?

Some interesting quotes, and my thoughts about them.

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound."
- Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

It's about time somebody started deboning bananas.

"FOR RENT: CONDOM... ONLY US$650."
- Ad in Jakarta Post

Why rent a condom when you can own a pack of ten for way cheaper?

"I didn't know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song."
- Aggie Pate, at a non-denominational mayor's breakfast, Fort Worth, Texas

Silly Christians writing Christian songs and putting Christian in the title. Do you see the confusion you've caused us? Do you?

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer

We find all deaths and injuries in boxing to be quite humorous.

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
- Alicia Silverstone, Actress

I've discovered the same thing about brownies. They're not truly "lite" unless they're full of fat and empty calories.

"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer

But I thought babies were flexible.

"Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier."
- Anonymous Traffic Report

In other words, if you want to get to your destination on time you should leave 5 minutes ago.

"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time."
- Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

Now if we could just get rid of those White Sox fans this would be a great neighborhood to raise a family in

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

Later he was seen pulling jacket fibers from his teeth.

"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather."
- Arab News report

I cannot comment on whether it is raining outside as the heavy storms are preventing me from going outside to check.

"I wish men had boobs because I like the feel of them. It's so funny - when I record I sing with a hand over each of them, maybe it's a comfort thing."
- Baby Spice of the Spice Girls

My only hope is that they were her own boobs.

"Most hotels are already booked solid by people, plus 5,000 journalists."
- Bangkok Post

Confirms something I've wondered about for a long time.

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
- Barbara Boxer, Senator

Unless of course they rise from the dead then I'm sure they'd be more than capable of going about their everyday normal lives once more

"City fathers were hoping to raise enough money to erect a new bronze statue of the Duck of Wellington."
- BBC commentator

The Aflac Duck wanted his statue in gold which was far too expensive.

"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. president

Yes, he much prefers outright actions to mere tendencies.

"You know the one thing that's wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say."
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. President


If we didn't he'd have never have gotten elected. There's a double edged sword if ever there was one.


"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach


What did they do when they found out they had two guys that were 6' 2"?


"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

And coach you go pair up by yourself and line up next to your guys in the middle.

"Next up is the Central African Republic located in central Africa."
- Bob Costas, during the parade of nations in the 2000 Summer Games in Sydney, Australia

I could have sworn they were from New Jersey.

"Life is very important to Americans."
- Bob Dole, U.S. Senator from Kansas

But not to Argentinians?

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate


So is swimming with dolphins near tuna boats.

"Cod are not very good swimmers so they are easily overtaken by trawlers and nets."
- British government report on why cod fish are disappearing from the North Sea.

Of course it has nothing to do with the fact that nets have a very wide spread in the ocean or that trawlers are much faster than cod.


"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

Canada is overseas. If you're in Europe.

"Where the hell is Australia anyway?"
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

Apparently nowhere to be found on her globe at home.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

With such a compelling argument how could they not consider her?

"It's nice, it gives you a feeling of security so that if something breaks we know we can always call a guy over and he'll bring a drill or something."
- Brooke Shields, Actress, on why it was is good to live in a co-ed dormitory when she was in college.

Brooke Shields, one of the top feminists of her time.

"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
- Budapest Zoo sign

Because usually he eats only peanut shells left over from the elephants.

"Inbreeding is how we get championship horses."
- Carl Gunter, Louisiana state representative, explaining why he was fighting a proposed antiabortion bill that allowed abortion in cases of incest.

And idiot politicians.

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

And some cars don't even have that many occupants, of course they're usually parked but that's besides the point.

"I think the team that wins Game 5 will win the series. Unless we lose Game 5."
- Charles Barkley, NBA Basketball Player

In which case no one wins the series as they were obviously playing only themselves.

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President

Define big and define Chinese.

"Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself."
- Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"

Hmmm... I think wars would end a lot quicker if more people were "patriotic".

"Football players win football games."
- Chuck Knox, football coach

As opposed to Bingo playing Nuns. Nuns who play Bingo do not win football games.

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
- Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.

I would think anyone that unsure of their own gender would be nervous.

"Most lies about blondes are false."
- Cincinnati Times-Star, headline

But what about the lies that are true?

"Models are like baseball players. We make a lot of money quickly, but all of a sudden we're 30 years old, we don't have a college education, we're qualified for nothing, and we're used to a very nice lifestyle. The best thing is to marry a movie star."
- Cindy Crawford, Supermodel

A perfect, albeit unintentional, argument as to why people should go to college or at least do something to better themselves before going into those types of careers.

"SUPREME COURT RULES THAT MURDERERS SHALL NOT BE ELECTROCUTED
TWICE FOR THE SAME CRIME."
- Cleveland Daily News, Headline

Yes, because that would be overdoing it. [I really want to make a comment about overkill but...]

"Lack of brains hinders research."
- Columbus Dispatch, Headline

Finally someone willing to admit it.

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

I always hated when he talked about himself in third person.

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

Except that we are America and America ceased being a "part" of Europe back in 1776.

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

I give him credit for remembering there are 50 states in the first place.

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

He barely lives on this planet let alone shares our century.

"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

If you give an idiot a cue card he'll blither for the duration of his runningmate's time in office.

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

This statement would have been far more powerful if he had remembered it's pronounced illiteracy.

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

Right next to the great city of Illinois

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars

Existence on a planet in the solar system just doesn't qualify us apparently. Neither do a trip to the moon or orbiting the Earth.

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

Again Mr. Quayle speaking in third person.

"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

Ah... I see. Nice to have that cleared up.

"We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

We are not ready for an intelligent comment you may or may not make.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

We won't get there but we'll certainly run the risk of it.

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

But his favorite state is still Chicago

"Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs"
- David Coleman, Sportscaster

Because it would suck to have to hurdle with only one leg

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

He only failed to comply with the law because it went against his illegal activities.

"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
- David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear radiation

And for those of you without a pool try filling your bathtub

"Sit by the homely girl, you'll look better by comparison."
- Debra Maffett, Miss America 1983
Until you open your mouth and she dumps her food on your head.

"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."
- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being over

I'm guessing he skipped more than just chemistry in high school.
"Weather forecast: precipitation in the morning, rain in the afternoon."
- Detroit Daily News

Outright water from the sky in the evening

"Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not there?"
- Driver school applicant
Can you get a driver's license using a brain that isn't there?
"The world is more like it is now then it ever was before."
- Dwight Eisenhower

Good to know Dwight. It's nice to know where we stand.

"Hey Diddy, you said anything goes, and I wasn't going to let a little hurricane prevent me from wearing my bathing suit!" said the "Desperate Housewives" star."
- Actress Eva Longoria at the MTV Video Music Awards

Just like directors won't let a little thing like no talent keep them from putting people on tv.

"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
- Everett Dirksen, Congressman

See, i knew 1 billion wasn't really a number.

"Can you imagine if his mouth was open?"
- Fabio's Manager, upon learning her client had been struck in the nose by a bird.

Yes, he would have choked. By the way, any news on PETA's reaction to Fabio's nose and the rollercoaster's involvement in the senseless slaying of an innocent goose?

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President

No one can argue with George Bush Sr. quite like himself.

"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London

And it stayed that way after Congress vetoed his idea to paint it yellow in order to make it easier to find.

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity."
- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

Another politician speaking truthfully and artfully about how he is full of hot air.

"I can't think of a comparable level of cultural excitement about something since Neil Armstrong landed on the moon in the 1960s."
- Gil Schwartz, CBS publicist, on the "Survivor" finale.

Damn, Luke and Laura's wedding finally got pushed out of the coveted second place spot. I guess that knocks the fall of the Berlin Wall to what, 100th?

"From an early age I was aware of what America meant, and how the Marines at Camp Pendleton were ready to defend us at a moment's notice. I also remember what fabulous bodies those troops had."
- Heather Locklear, Actress

When contemplating my freedom the first thing that comes to mind is "Great abs."

"Coming on to pitch is Mike Moore, who is six-foot-one and 212 years old."
- Herb Score, Sportscaster

Unfortunately he was confusing poor Mike with his older less popular brother Methuzula.

"The war did not turn in Japan's favor, and trends of the world are not advantageous to us."
- Japan's Emperor Hirohito, announcing his country's surrender to America and its WWII allies, after two atom bombs had been dropped.

Atomic bombs aren't what I would normally classify as "trends of the world".

"FIRST, CARRY TO FIRE."
- Instructions on a fire extinguisher

I always wondered if I was right about that. Now I know I was.

"Passive activity income does not include the following: Income for an activity that is not a passive activity."
- IRS form 8583, Passive Activity Loss Limitation

And they wonder why people forego paying taxes? What do they think is going to happen with people who have to take the verbal equivalent of a Rorschach test every year?

"Secretaries for openings in college administrative areas. Good typing, word processing helpful. Able to interfere with faculty, staff, and students."
- Irondequoit, NY want-ad

I'm guessing whoever wrote that ad is precisely why they need a new secretarial staff.

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
- Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

You try saying bomb with a French accent and see if you like it either

"We talked five times. I called him twice, and he called me twice."
- Larry Bowa, California Angels coach

And we linked telepathically once.

"I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted."
- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries.

Yes, lets take our pristine countries and turn them into toxic wastelands just like the rest of the world. Brilliant

"If you or any member of your family has been killed..."
- Lawyer commercial on TV, Orlando, Florida

I know I make phone calls whenever I get killed.

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
- Lee Iacocca, former Chrysaler Chariman

Enough to breathe for the rest of our lives maybe?

"I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to."
- Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

That's right, starvation isn't dieting.

"It is now 22 minutes past 8:30."
- Lynn Russell, WKAT radio disc jockey

This is what happens when you rely to heavily on digital clocks.

"Man shoots neighbor with machete."
- Miami Herald, headline

I think I just might have to get myself a bullet throwing machete.

"Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey, Pop Singer

Cuz flies and death and stuff are real downers even if you have reached your dream weight

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate."
- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

If you take out the killings that only lowers the number of crimes politicians have actually been caught doing.

"The largest crowd ever in the state of Las Vegas."
- Mark Jones, TV Broadcaster

More to come in the wide world of Geography.

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

I can't tell you how many mornings I've woken up dead and wished I had a record of it.

"I'd rather be dead than singing 'Satisfaction' when I am forty-five."
- Mick Jagger, Pop Singer, before he turned 45

You mean he's not dead? I thought someone had just reanimated his corpse.

"I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife."
- Mike Greenwell, Baseball player

I'm so glad he's honest about his gender preferences.
"It is thought that Raj Mohammed Poselay was beaten to death, possibly during a family fun day in the park."
- Newspaper, Wolverton Express & Star (UK)

Nothing says "Family Fun Day" like beating someone to death.
"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
- Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

I hate to see countries with uneven poverty. It just seems so unfair to those who aren't impoverished.

I think that's probably enough for today. I'll post more later.

It is truly amazing what you can learn about yourself when you just shut up for awhile. Rant, rant, rant, bitch, bitch, bitch... jeez looking back it's a wonder I didn't get sick of myself. I really wasn't aware of how out of it I was until I was able to get back in touch with Ericka last night. It was a good conversation, although it's always kind of awkward when you're trying to reconnect with someone especially when they're thousands of miles away. But yeah, apparently I forgot about my sessions of brooding in the dark... yeah, I guess you could call it creepy. But I've discovered life is always quieter in the dark.

The time for regrets is slowly passing and the time for... new beginnings (blah shoot me for that maudlin phrase) is approaching in the distance. Sad when you lose yourself, sadder still when everyone around you is trying to get you back and you can't see it for the effort that it is. Hindsight really is 20/20, I wonder if that's because it requires you to pull your head out of your ass in order to see clearly.

Hmmm... dunno. But as always, I'm up for self-discovery. I am an uncharted planet, dark and scary sometimes. Little bits of enlightenment shining through other times. I dunno, I guess every once in awhile I just need to look up and stop counting the stars and just enjoy them being there.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I know I'm lazy and haven't posted here in a while. But with nothing really changing I really don't have much to say. Ericka and I had a blow up about a week ago and she said I kept playing the victim card. Then she turns around and tells me how hard I make it to be my friend because she doesn't understand my mood swings. Right now, I'm just trying to get through the days.

Another badass quiz from eSPIN-the-Bottle...

How Will You Die? MY RESULT:Political Assassination

Your obsession with power will eventually be the end of you when you’re shot down by members of your own cabinet. Rough way to go. We recommend writing up a good will, and shredding any documents that might paint you as a shady character. The last thing you need is your political legacy being destroyed when greedy relatives ransacking your mansion discover that you plagiarized your book report in fourth grade. Take This Quiz!

You Were a Fox

A good observer, you often watch others while remaining unseen. Cunning and courageous, you also have a gentle side.

You Have Low Self Esteem 92% of the Time

You're definitely in a low place right now, but you also know deep down that you can get out of your funk. Take a chance and make a new friend or try a new interest. Shaking things up will give you the self-esteem boost you need!

What Your Hands Say About You

You are logical, analytical, and rational. You have good verbal skills. Idealistic and dreamy, you tend toward the impractical. You have a knack for getting yourself in sticky situations. Consistent and reliable, you like to count on structure and routine in your life. Your emotions tend to be nervous and potent. Your energy - both positive and negative - deeply impacts your life.

Another badass quiz from eSPIN-the-Bottle... What's Your Top Emotion? MY RESULT:Angry Take a couple deep breaths and don’t punch the computer, okay? We think – we don’t know for sure, but we think - you might have an anger management problem. Please don’t blame us for telling you about it. We’re just here to help you out. You might want to learn how to control your anger – do something productive with it, like cardio kickboxing or macramé. It’ll feel a lot better than beating people into a y pulp, and it doesn’t come with nearly as many court dates. Take This Quiz!

Another badass quiz from eSPIN-the-Bottle... What's Your Top Emotion? MY RESULT:Sad You must be petting a goose, ‘cause you’re feeling down. Always a pessimist, you never let yourself get too happy – probably because you don’t think you deserve to be happy. You think that sadness is more authentic than happiness, so you choose to keep your cool by getting glum. All of that’s a bunch of hooey and you should just start smiling. (Unless something happens that’s, you know, really sad.) Take This Quiz!

There was a tie.

Your nt Thinking Style: Visioning

You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights. You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details. An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path. You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.

You Should Be A Gemini

What's good about you: witty and energetic, you're simply the most fun to be around What's bad about you: you're flighty - losing interest in people and projects quickly In love: you enjoy the "honeymoon phase," but after that it's hard for you to stick around In friendship, you're: likely to have many groups of friends, with many different interests Your ideal job: mime, guru, or cartoonist Your sense of fashion: casual and simple You like to pig out on: fast food, especially burritos

You Are 80% Bipolar

You're more than moody - you're a bit unstable. If your mood swings are effecting your life, you may need to seek help.

You Are 10% Extrovert, 90% Introvert

You avoid people at all costs You aren't one for social interaction And you limit your interaction to a select few Thank God for self checkout!

You Are a Centaur

In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person. However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways. You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order. You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily.

You Are A Realist

When it comes to romance, you tend to take a realistic approach. You believe that love takes time, and it's something you have to work hard for. A bit cynical, over the top romance tends to get under your skin. Your heart is difficult to win ... but it's totally worth it.

Another badass quiz from eSPIN-the-Bottle... What's Your Sense of Humor? MY RESULT:Witty The Cadillac of senses of humor. Smart, sophisticated, and people either love you or just roll their eyes at you. If you’ve never watched any of those “Brit-Coms,” go out and rent them – you’ll love them. If you’ve already seen them, well, it shows. You’ve got a great mind and a great sense of humor. Now if only we could do something about your sense of style. (Just kidding. You look hot. Really.) Take This Quiz!

You Are 56% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

I recently moved out of my parents house for the second time, back in November to be exact. I moved into a great apartment with somebody I've been friends with for awhile (now before you try and say that friends shouldn't room together you need to understand I'm nuts and if I didn't room with a friend I would either be m*rdered by a complete stranger or would m*rder a complete stranger). Now the whole situation was going pretty well, we were working for a company that had contracted "Customer Service Representatives"(Bullsh*t , we were slaves/minions depending on who you were/are)  to AT&T(the Devil). Then my roommate and I both applied to go work on a cruise ship. Sounds exciting no? Well suffice it to say the company found out we were applying else where and basically found reasons to fire us. And my roommate got accepted for the job, I did not. Now let me just say, and make no mistake I am very serious when I say it. I am thrilled my friend got the job, I know she'll love it, mostly cuz it's in Hawaii and the job is going to kick her ass which is the kind of thing she thrives on. I am happy for her, I wish her nothing but the best. However, I am not nearly as happy for her as a friend ought to be. I know, you're thinking I am jealous. And yeah, that is a small part of it. But it's mostly because she has removed herself from the lease and therefore I am now stuck with no job and no way to pay the rent. Bwahaha. I am mildly angry that she's done it. I can understand it, but that doesn't exactly make me feel better about it. I spent the whole of last year or so worried that I was going to screw up and let my roommate down and now, even though I don't want to feel this way, I feel like she's let me down. If the situation were reversed I know I wouldn't have just left her holding the bag. I'm not like that, and I know it sounds like I'm being self-righteous or something but I'm not. I honestly would not just leave her like that because I would feel too obligated to keep up my part of the responsibilities at least for the duration of our lease. And so now I'm losing my home, I have no job and no way to pay my bills, I can't go back to my parents as this has been decreed by said parents and  I feel worse and worse as the days go by because I have to keep hearing about the cruise and I can't take it anymore. I can't listen to it anymore. I can't keep hearing how she's going off to this really cool experience and is going to be making an ass load of money on top of it when I am literally losing everything. I'm stuck in a hole of a city anyway, this town sucks so bad I can't even articulate it. I am so f*cking alone on this I can't stand it. All my friends friggin' talk about is the damn cruise.  But how do you say "PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP TALKING ABOUT IT! CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT IT SET INTO MOTION THE RUINATION OF EVERYTHING I HAD FINALLY STARTED TO ACCOMPLISH?", how do you tell them that you were finally starting to feel like you were in a good place and like you were actually starting to succeed for the first time in your life and the thing that's making one of your best friends the happiest you've seen her is making your life a living hell?  That every day you wake up and think about it and it makes you so sick you don't even want to get out of bed. That you keep slamming back and forth between wanting to be completely alone and then wanting to have even just one person there to talk to. How do you say this to anyone when you know that they just aren't going to get it. Or you know that it just isn't going to mean a damn thing because you've always pretty much been that friend that they call because you're better than nothing and you've always kind of felt like a second class citizen in their eyes.